The self-help organization of Gam-Anon is a life saving instrument for the spouse, family or close friends of compulsive gamblers. We come into the group feeling alone, frightened, helpless, desperate and ashamed. We hesitated to share problems and failures, fearing none could understand. The Gam-Anon group is warmly accepting and it offers the new member identification. The message we receive is: Come join with us, we too were alone, afraid and unable to cope with the problem; we will share with you a new and fulfilling way of life. Gam-Anon's purposes are three-fold: To learn acceptance and understanding of the gambling illness; to use the program and its problem solving suggestions as aids in rebuilding our lives and, upon our own recovery, to give assistance to those who suffer.
In Gam-Anon the member will experience relief from anxiety by accepting the fact of powerlessness over the problem in the family. The heavy load of responsibility for the gambling problem is lifted and the agonizing guilt in regard to failures is gradually alleviated. The energy wasted in attempts to stop loved ones from gambling can be channeled into more useful methods of problem solving.
The program suggests that we refuse to be responsible for the gambler's behavior, assuming responsibility only for that which is ours. The prevailing idea is, The gambler will play as long as someone else will pay. In Gam-Anon we learn the appropriate way of relating to the gambler as an equal rather than as a mother. This involves the process known as letting go or giving up the control. To be an adult is to give warmth and love in an equal role with the gambler.
It is important to recovery that the member see compulsive gambling in its true light, as an emotional illness. At this point, we will understand that obsessive compulsive behavior, acting out and game playing are symptoms of a serious illness. Although we may have been a pawn in game playing, our hurt was a side effect of this illness, not deliberately intended. After years of accumulated hurtful experiences it will be difficult for us to give up anger and resentment. The recovery program of Gam-Anon offers help in working through and in resolving these feelings. If the gambler and member seek help jointly the recovery process will be enhanced. But even then, there is much for us to learn. We will need to be aware that the gambler's recovery cannot be hurried. It is important that we encourage the gambler, but we must refrain from pushing. Our expectations of the gamblers should be limited to their ability to respond. Although it proves to be their Waterloo, gambling is their first love to give it up will be a tremendous undertaking. They may at times be irritable, unreasonable and difficult to understand. It will be necessary that the gambler expend time and effort in the struggle to stop gambling. This may include many nights away from families as the gamblers attend group meetings according to their needs. Our understanding is required and it should be explained to the children because they, too, will need to understand.
The members who come to Gam-Anon and remain to find help for themselves regardless of the gamblers' refusal to respond, are greatly to be admired. Their role is one of extreme difficulty. The gamblers may resent Gam-Anon attendance and may see it as an attempt to interfere with their lives. Hopefully the gambler will be motivated to seek help, but recovery should not depend upon the gambler.
Young people who become addicted may suffer the same character changes and consequences that mark older compulsive gamblers. Some become deceitful and resort to stealing money; some obtain money under false pretenses from family and friends; some may withdraw from family life, developing an obstinate sullenness; and some may isolate from close friends only to befriend new acquaintances who share their ;new interests. The lives of family members are affected and disrupted by these changes in behavior. Distraught parents may disagree as to how to deal with these financial and emotional problems.
As the gambling escalates, so does the indebtedness. Desperate gamblers often need increasing amounts of money to finance their addiction. Some parents have mortgaged their homes or sacrificed their life savings to rescue their child. Unfortunately, any financial rescue enables the gambler to continue gambling and eliminates the motivation to change.
More and more parents of gamblers come to Gam-Anon to understand the problem and help their child. Members support and help each other by sharing their experiences, wisdom and strength. At weekly meetings, parents educate themselves and learn new and appropriate methods of dealing with the gambler. In the process, they learn a better way of life for themselves.
PURPOSE:
We are here to assist you in resolving the problems you are facing in your life due to the gambling problem.
INFORMATION:
We have various sources of literature available to you which can be helpful in your quest for information about the compulsive gambling illness and how to cope with the various crises that come up due to the gambling syndrome.
INTENTION:
Gam-Anon is dedicated to the creation and preservation of serenity in our lives. What this means to you is that the Gam-Anon meeting is designed to be a safe place to bring your current situation. You can put it on the table, look at it, cry about it, laugh about it, be angry at it, or whatever you are wanting to do with it.
Hopefully, by the end of the meeting you have been able to unburden yourself of the problem for a short while and be able to go home and face your situation with a new perspective.
None of our members are here to give you specific advice which you should take as gospel. And we cannot dilute our principles to a point where we perform as marriage counselors, psychologists, members of the clergy, vocational guidance specialists or as a representative of the legal profession. We are here as we have a common denominator in our lives: we are in relationships with compulsive gamblers.
Because of this common denominator, we are more readily able to understand your problems than your family, friends, counselor, or advisor. We can listen to your problems with an empathetic, not a sympathetic or critical ear. You can rest assured that no one in our meeting will tell you that what you are doing is bad. We will only offer our experience in similar matters, giving you a new approach to consider in your situation.
Our goal in the Gam-Anon meeting is to provide new insight into what can be a devastating problem in many people's lives. With the guidelines of the Gam-Anon program we can provide a wealth of information about practical safeguards you can choose to take when first coming into the program.
Above all, remember that all people change. The problems that you are facing today will be different tomorrow, next month, next year. Try to put matters in perspective for today, Don't feel compelled to make decisions that are forever; rather, make choices for today. Choices are always open for review and change.
In all things, remember that Gam-Anon is your support system. No one can make it work for you but you. We can only be there to support you when you reach out for us.
CALL ONE OF OUR LOCAL HOT LINES.
Local Gam-Anon Hot Line:
816-346-9230
Local Gambler's Anonymous Hot Line:
1-888-374-6442
